The Return.

It has been a while since I wrote something for this blog. I miss this place. In over a year, my life has changed drastically. Not only did I take a few English classes that have indeed improved my writing, my emotional life has turned around completely, and thus, changed the course of my writing.

I am in love. And being in love can change everything. My life has changed in more ways than I ever imagined before turning 20. I am not saying I am a mature adult, absolutely not. But I am ready to head there, I am ready to take the first few steps on my own, and with the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Whenever I look back at the days that changed my life forever, the defining days that marked my growth as an adult, today will definitely be on my mind. 

Today I talked to my dad. But I really talked to him, like we have never spoken before. Talking to my dad about things that I know he will not agree with has always been a terror in my life. My dad doesn’t take what he does not like the right way. And because of this fear, I have been very unfair to my father. I have lied to him, and I’ve hurt him more than I thought I could with a single lie. But with that lie, I triggered the response I wanted, he responded be treating me as an adult and no longer as his little girl. My dad took me out for breakfast today, just him and I, and we talked. We did not scream and we did not argue, we simply talked. He calmly approached my lie, and we both cried, and I realized that my father notices how much I’ve grown. I promised I wouldn’t lie again, that I would speak the truth even if it hurts him, and I will.

Today I have also tested the strength of my relationship with my boyfriend, and it is much stronger than I thought. I love my relationship; I’d say it’s quite perfect. Yes, we fight and we do not agree on everything, but we have the ability to talk about the disagreements and reach a conclusion that is favorable for both. We are loyal, communicative, honest, respectful, and most important, loving with each other. I cherish who he is and what he makes me, and he appreciates who I am and what I make him. We have not been dating for that long, but yet we are comfortable to talk about a future together, and to envision our goals as one.  But today, today reinforced everything I have told you. Bear with me as I explain... My boyfriend and I have committed to a long-distance relationship for about a month. We were used to doing everything together, we studied together, we ate together, and we spent every second of free time we had together. I never thought I could trust someone so much and grow so close to a person in so little time. But I did, I love him more than I can bear, and being away from him breaks my heart every single day we’re apart. Since I arrived back home and away from him, he has been asking when I am coming back, demanding for a plan and a definite date for my return. As an unemployed, poor, and in-debt student, a plan is not really in my horizon. Today, I have a plan. You see, my boyfriend and I have talked about marriage before, many times. We had agreed that it wouldn’t happen until we were able to afford the real deal, which is in our 30’s. But the circumstances require other measures. No, I am not getting married. But we have agreed to fight together. We have planned to make a plan. He agreed to take off half of the weight from my shoulders and find a way so that we can figure this out together. And with a single 2-hour conversation, the air rushed back into my lungs and finally let me breathe.

You now probably know more than you should about me. But I wanted to share the way I feel right now. How I feel adulthood growing on my skin with every breath. I now have a voice and right to decide what is best for my life, and I have the support of someone who loves me to hold my hand as we both immerge ourselves into the world of “grown-ups.”

I never knew I could be so happy with so much uncertainty in my life. And that, my friends, is how love has changed me; I am no longer afraid of that which I do not know.