As she lay on her bed, she couldn't stop thinking about the slow rythmic pounding of a beating heart, she could not see it nor hear it, but she could surely feel it. She had her hand against his hot chest, her fingers tracing small circles, his heart seemed to match the slow pulsing of blood coursing through her veins. The moving of his chest was all she needed, his long intakes of air made her think more calmly, she had been restless all night, shifting her body from side to side until she found him; he had always been there, but she had avoided him, not wanting to touch him, to feel him. She was longing to know what he was dreaming, with his angelic face over the pillow, his eyes moving inside his sockets, she was sure he was seeing something he desired. As his chest moved upward once more, she thought of love, and she allowed herself to drown in her wild thoughts, those she wished to not seek.
"Stop it." she said to herself.
"Stop what?" he asked as his eyes fluttered open.
"I... Umm... Said nothing, sleep talking." she answered quickly, but he didn't hear her, he was fast asleep, far away dreaming. What a sick bastard, she thought, he could sleep like a baby while she was losing a fight against her own will.
She couldn't help herself, having him there in her arms, she was supposed do be angry at him, but she was only angry at herself for feeling what she should not, yet she continued to stare at his long lashes, his unmoving lips, his bare chest... She should not, she should stop, let go and sleep; but he moved his arm over her as he muttered something inaudible, engaging her under his strength. She couldn't move an inch even if her life depended on it, but she didn't want to move, she loved every bit of him, she could lie to herself no more.
In that moment, under the pressure of his body, she accepted her feelings, overpowered by her emotions she gave in to her weakness. "I hate you." she whispered feebly into his ear as she drifted into a deep sleep.
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