Talk is cheap.

Yeah, I know, my blog has become a depressing and sad warp of words, but oh well, let's say I'm an unhappy teenager, like oh so many billions of them out there, so deal with it.

Sorry for that, I haven't been in a very good mood these days, months... you get it. Let's forget my attitude and go back to the writing I did a couple days ago:

 So much time has gone by, I no longer cry, but I must confess I still do miss it. (Sorry if I don't explain myself, sometimes someone's feelings aren't explainable.) I only miss it when I'm feeling terribly lonely, but I actually don't miss it, I miss company, I miss knowing that someone's there for me, that someone loves me, or at least cares a bit about me; I felt lonely today, extraordinarily lonely. I spent all day watching TV, crying at the end of every damn episode for my rubbish loneliness. I know I'm completely over-dramatic, I know I've got to put my head back in the clouds, since it's been hanging low for the past months, almost reaching the ground (again with my drama). 

Something's gotten in to me, I know "things happen for a reason"... blah, blah, blah. but I don't want to embrace the moments, I want to be completely free of them, free of thought, free of memories, free to do and believe in whatever or whoever I want to; but there's still something holding me back, and I absolutely know it's not love, it's my damn huge loneliness. I know this is a faze, I'm a teenager, let's say it's normal, I know it's going to go away, but I can't help thinking I've never felt lonelier in my entire life. 

 Inevitably, I've come to the conclusion that I need something or someone to hold on to, to look up to, call it faith, call it love, call it God or dementia, call it whatever you want to, but for my mind's sake, I can't feel like this... I shall not feel like this anymore.